Stand In The Place Where You Were Supposed To Sit (For Jury Duty... And Then Leave)

So it seems REM frontman Michael Stipe found a way to get out of jury duty. He was supposed to be on a jury hearing a stalking/attempted rape case, but claimed he could not be impartial because he had been the victim of stalking himself. When the Judge asked Stipe who exactly would want to stalk the sexually-ambiguous, acne-scarred, mumbling frontman, Stipe reportedly said, "Lots of people. . . you don't know them. . . they live in Canada. Shut up!" Stipe's lucky he came up with the stalking excuse because as proven by the following 100% authentic footage, Stipe's earlier ploy ---celebrating courtroom adjournments by doing spontaneous, spastic elbow dances, while rejoicing in a strange voice (that sounds nothing like a man from Athens,Georgia)--- almost got him killed:

Gladstone writes for Cracked and others. Go to Wayne Gladstone Lives in Maine to see all his published stuff, links to his other worthless endeavors, and his full name and state of residence.
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