"I know I missed a couple insurance payments, but there's no need for them
to get passive-aggressive about it."
I don't mean to disparage all the highly trained schnitzerdoodles and yorkiepoos who carry out their duty with honor and distinction. Heck, even miniature horses can be pressed into legitimate therapeutic service nowadays. However, along with the breed (and species) variation, another thing that's expanded is the number of people who are gaming the system -- by obtaining dubious online paperwork along with a brightly colored vest, fraudulently claiming their pet is a service animal, and then taking their filthy beast into restaurants, onto planes, and to piss and shit all over the grounds of eager-to-accommodate theme parks. And despite the fact that this sort of activity is a federal crime, the Americans With Disabilities Act has made it just as illegal to demand proof of whether an animal is bona fide or not. So some individuals, emboldened by this loophole, don't even bother to confine their chicanery to mammals.
"When the crosswalk light turns green, he lets me know by pissing down my shirt and giving me salmonella."
The fact that theme parks put a lot of people in close quarters with one another can make for some big problems when you add an unruly dog into the mix. And if you think paying some shady dude to print out a fake certificate (that says your purse Chihuahua is a vital part of your dyspepsia treatment or some shit) for the purposes of bringing your furry accomplice into one is a victimless crime, you might reassess your opinion after you've been assaulted by a min-pin while waiting in line for the Matterhorn. Or stared in horrified wonder as a pink poodle goes on a fecal rampage through the souvenir stores.