, based on 60-minute segments of his life. This is extra meta, because the actual creator of
based the show on his
life, creating a never-ending Oroburos of schlocky crap.
Only in the sense that we still breathe Oxygen. The last memorable thing James Van Der Beek did was play himself getting the shit beaten out of him in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
. Since then, heÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂs bounced around from sitcom guest appearance to sitcom guest appearance, most recently One Tree Hill
, or DawsonÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂs Creek: Remix
. Meanwhile, 2008 primetime television is populated by counter-terrorists, smoke monsters, and spiritually conflicted robots from space. Any show based on a show we already watched ten years ago would have to under go some major changes. IÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂm thinking ice powers for Zoey, the fictional
character IÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂm pretending to reference.
The original 1987 NES Mega Man
In the futuristic year of 2008, battle robots with sophisticated powers like the ability to throw rocks and cut you, led by an evil scientist named after a cartoon coyote, will enslave a neon neo-Tokyo and do battle with a one handed, child-sized robot maid cum supersoldier in blue spandex who canÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂt duck.
IÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂve never been to Tokyo, so I canÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂt really speak to the accuracy of Mega ManÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂs
endless ladder towers and fan-powered clouds swarmed by flying teeth. Judging by some of the pictures IÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂve seen online and my fathomless cultural ignorance, IÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂd believe it. But a robot that canÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂt duck
? Are you kidding me? Even Aibos can kind of hunker down, and theyÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂre barely on the teetering edge of the uncanny valley. If thereÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂs one thing we can be sure of, itÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂs that the Japanese wouldnÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂt let a robot supersoldier step foot out the factory door without six hands, an equal number of depleted uranium-spitting miniguns, and an integrated all-region Toshiba DVD player.
When not taking people too seriously, Michael is head writer for and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!