Well, I was unconscious at the time, so I didn't do any of that.
Hmm. Well, most people who tie knots are amateurs, so you've still got a good chance of wiggling out of here. Unless ... you haven't offended any sailors, have you?
So help me God, if this turns into a sex thing ...
I don't think so.
Well, then you should be OK. Try wiggling out of there.
(Eight seconds pass)
What are you, double-jointed?
No, the knots were just really sloppy.
Huh. So you're free now?
Just my hands. I'm still tied to the tracks. I can't even reach the knots for those.
Do you have any sharp rocks around?
To cut through the ropes?
Cutting entirely through the earth beneath you would be the more stylish option, but whatever you're comfortable with.
(Three minutes later)
You are surprisingly, almost shockingly good at this. If this were torture porn, it'd be an unsatisfying soft-core kind, like something you'd see on TV at 10 p.m.
That's not a thing, is it?
A blonde actress necking with a hacksaw in soft focus, then before anything happens, a cut to the next morning, with the blonde missing one of her feet while the hacksaw stands over her, wearing a towel.
Sorry. I kind of went to a place there.
Well, you'll be glad to know I'm not out of this yet. Whoever did this to me chained my feet to the tracks. It's locked by a massive padlock.