Ron stared at the wall. "No Harry. It's Voldemort Two."
Harry looked at his friend for a moment. His eyes started to cross and he had to shake his head to refocus them. This cycle repeated two more times. "That's not a thing. You just took a thing that is something and added 'Two' behind it. You can't fool me with your wizard tricks, old buddy." Harry leaned over a bit and farted.
"No, he's real Harry. He used a spell to open a portal from Earth Two, and is now trying to steal all the magic from Earth Prime. Don't you read the paper?"
"Yes, I read the paper," Harry said. He gestured to a ragged pornographic magazine by the bed. Harry scratched himself, thinking. "That is awful," he said. "Voldemort Two? It's like someone isn't even trying any more." Ron shifted around looking uncomfortable. "All right, fuck it," Harry said, standing up. "I need to get some fags anyways."
Ron waited patiently outside the store while Harry went inside to purchase what he was now calling "Muggle-treats." When Harry emerged from the shop, he turned and started walking down the street. Ron hurried to catch up.
"I don't see why we couldn't just Apparate here Harry."
Harry kept walking, turning into the park path, willing himself to ignore Ron's jab. But it was too much for him. He turned and pointed a finger at Ron. "Oh yes you do. You know why. You know exactly why I don't use magic any more." He turned around and started walking again.
Harry stopped. "That's right." He stared at his friend, then finally broke down crying. "She's dead because of me Ron." Harry collapsed into a heap on the ground, sobbing.
Ron stared at the pathetic wretch his friend had become, trying to feel pity for him. "That's not true Harry. It was an accident."
"An accident because I suck!" Harry bawled.
Ron didn't disagree with him. "It's ok Harry. It was years ago. You don't have to keep beating yourself up over it." Ron winced as Harry started punching himself.
"Yes I do, OW. Yes I do. OW! Yes I do, ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow."
Ron realized this could go on for awhile. He turned, looking to see if anyone was watching, then zapped Harry with a gentle stunning spell. "Damnit man, what the hell happened to you? You used to be the best! You used to be king of the fucking world! And now this? What is this? You're pathetic!"
Harry looked up at his friend, stunned at the sudden abuse from someone other than himself. "I was never the best Ron. I sucked at magic. I'd have never have even graduated if it wasn't for Hermione. And I'd be dead a dozen times over without your help. I was hopeless."
Ron's expression softened. "That's what friends are for Harry. Remember? That's why you won. Because of your friends. Because you cared."
Harry shook his head. "No. It was more than that. I was
Ron didn't say anything. The thought had crossed his mind more than once.
"Everything that could break my way, did, again and again. For years. You were there. You saw it. And then all of a sudden, it stopped. Like someone flicked a light switch. At one moment all the world was my oyster, girls were all like "Heeeeeeey, Harry," and I could do no wrong. And then the next moment, I'm nothing. Just some guy with a crappy haircut and a scar, who can't do magic for shit." Ron shifted uncomfortably. It was true. Harry's life had taken a dramatic turn for the worse, almost immediately after his kids started going to school. It was almost like he had a guardian angel his whole life, who for some reason, had abruptly and completely abandoned him.
"Hermione would probably say you're imagining things Harry," Ron said.
"You mean if she hadn't died in an avalanche of penis cream?" Harry spat. He tried to suppress the memory, but couldn't. He had gotten hooked into yet another pyramid scheme, this time reselling penis enhancing topical solutions. When attempting to lower his overhead costs with the help a duplication spell, he had accidentally triggered a torrent of penis cream to cascade down a nearby hill, wiping out half the village and killing Ron's wife. The Muggle authorities hadn't known what to make of it, digging through the mess, finding corpses with just the hugest rods. They had to bring in special cranes to get them all out. The news reports were very upsetting.
Ron swallowed. He'd need more help to get Harry out of this funk. "Come on," he said, lifting his friend up off the ground.
"Where are we going?"
"We're going to Azkaban Harry," Ron said, biting his lip. To the bestophilia wing. "We're going to see Hagrid."
- CHAPTER TWO -
Balls Deep in Dragon
With a pop, Ron and Harry appeared...
And that's where it cuts off Potter-heads! Looks like pretty good stuff right? Be sure to check this site hundreds of times a day to see if there are any more updates!
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