This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.
The holidays are fast approaching, and if you want your friends and family to still love you but don't want to deal with Black Friday mayhem, then sit down and listen up. We're not sending you into the Walmart fray. Unlike your family, we love you too much for that. Instead we come to you with great gifts and tidings of good fortune. For mere peanuts -- peanuts! -- you can have any of these items, which all make for outstanding gifts. And you won't have to leave your comfortable little bubble to get them.
MSRP: $396. Sale Price: $299 (24% off).
If for some reason somebody doesn't like this, they can just make their own gift, because it's a 3D printer that comes with all the tools you need to use it!
MSRP: $100. Sale Price: $42.99 (57% off).
What's better: adding antibiotics to your grocery list, or destroying disease-causing bacteria with a towel? The towel thing, right? That's what makes this towel so smart. It kills bacteria so you're extra healthy when you're getting all dried off.
MSRP: $299. Sale Price: $239.99 (19% off).
Winner of the iF and Red Dot Design Awards, this action camera is a bit more budget-friendly than a GoPro, but still does everything you'd expect from the leader in action cams.
MSRP: $29.99. Sale Price: $14.99 (50% off).
Bluetooth headphones are all the rage, and you don't have to break the bank to give these as an extremely chill gift. These comfy headphones are especially great for all your friends with sensitive ears.
MSRP: $16.99. Sale Price: $13.99 (17% off).
Hate how short and easily breakable Apple Lightning cables are? This one is over six feet long, and is much tougher than the standard cable. And you'll be able to find that out for yourself when you take it out of the box and it doesn't immediately start to break down.
MSRP: $149. Sale Price: $74.99 (49% off).
You can't put a price on peace of mind! Well, we just did! It's $74.99. This handy camera looks like a regular old charging brick, but it's actually recording a room and giving you real-time remote viewing access whenever you're away.
MSRP: $119. Sale Price: $34.99 (70% off).
These ergonomically designed wireless headphones are great for active lifestyles (read: running and fitness, not actively surfing the internet), and with the included charging case, they'll last practically all day.
MSRP: $299.99. Sale Price: $249.99 (16% off).
Know somebody who frequently complains about muscle pain? You can either tell them to stop yapping, or you can go the much kinder route and give them this. With targeted relief, this incredible percussion massage gun can address soreness and aches right at the root.
MSRP: $242. Sale Price: $149.99 (38% off).
Serious gamers don't need a chair, they need a throne. And this throne is fully adjustable to help your favorite gamer get comfortable and play for hours without cramping up. Hmm, maybe think about what you might unleash with this before you buy.
MSRP: $140. Sale Price: $44.99 (67% off).
Everybody loves a fresh new comforter! Except people who are allergic to down. This comforter, however, is made with a down-alternative material, which means even the down-averse will love this one!
MSRP: $600. Sale Price: $69.99. Price Drop: $58.99 (90% off).
Do you have a stiff neck, either from spending too much time in an office chair or practicing the robot dance for too long? Get some relief with this simple neck device that stimulates blood circulation, eliminates toxins, and reduces signs of aging skin.
MSRP: $49.99. Sale Price: $39.99 (20% off).
Do you know somebody with wide fingers who frequently complains about how hard it is to change the song or adjust the volume while they're on the treadmill? Weirdly specific example? Well, you'd be surprised. This cool controller goes on like a bracelet and lets you change the track, adjust the volume, and more without having to fumble at in-line controls.
MSRP: $229.98. Sale Price: $99.99 (56% off).
These are true wireless headphones, not some phony wireless headphones where you hide the wire through your shirt to seem cool. And they're even cooler because they come with an app that can translate more than 40 languages on the fly!
Prices are subject to change.
For more, check out these Christmas Silicone Earphone Case Cover for Apple AirPods and Beard Head The First Ever Bearded Headwear: Classic Santa.
And, hey. Treat Yourself To An Early Holiday With These 9 Gadgets. Ho, ho, ho.
Most rich kids just want to be pop stars.
How did these hyper-specific tropes spread so quickly?
The Hollywood rumor mill has been playing games with celebrity deaths for at least a century.