The Ultimate Scientology Video Finally Reveals The Secret To Unlocking Your Thetans

Always quick to act, the Church of Scientology has officially revamped their
Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Youtube channel, mere months after the Internet collectively made wet fart noises at them. Their tiny number of subscribers, huge number of channel views, and disabling of comments and ratings kind of gives you an idea of where the CoS's net cred stands these days. I guess they aren't equipped to handle the kind of soul-crushing and surgically-precise criticisms the Cracked Bloggers must grapple with every day (ie, "gayyyyyyyy").
Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

In any case, I for one will be scrupulously poring over all the videos they post, as I'm still intensely fascinated by the giant sideshow they call a religion. So far, the most interesting one I've come across (okay, redubbed) is the below vid outlining the basic precepts of the faith, and the magic powers generated therefrom.
Now at least if I fail in Hollywood, I can always blame it on ticking off the Scientologists.
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael gets retarded in here as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!
To turn on reply notifications, click here

64 Comments

Load Comments

More Blogs

15 Baffling Questions Raised By The X-Men Movies

The X-Men series has been held together by duct tape and hope.

106

5 Cartoon Moments That Would Traumatize The Characters

This should have resulted in years of therapy.

95

12 Weird Changes The Government Asked Famous Movies to Make

Sometimes it's just a matter of making the US Department of Defense look, like, REALLY cool.

126

5 Apocalypse Scenarios You Should Stop Worrying About

Actual impending doom like global climate change or mass extinction just makes people bored.

180

4 (Alleged) Acts Of Revenge From Powerful People

There are few things more dangerous than someone who is really powerful and equally petty.

63

11 Everyday Gadgets That Just Wouldn't Die

Nothing lasts forever ... except these things.

88