While driving through Hollywood yesterday, as I do each Monday to attend my transcendental yogic sex therapy classes, I noticed a number of writers picketing outside Paramount studios
. I honked in derision, which they took as a sign of support. In short, an embarrasing debacle for all involved.
But on the bright side, as a struggling writer myself, I realized that there is no better time than now to bombard Hollywood with my many PATENTED ideas for TV shows and movies.
If you’re reading this, Mr. Producer, consider it a Godsend and get in touch with me right away about producing one or all of the following projects. It sounds like a tall order, but I firmly believe I can produce up to three nightly TV shows and no less than eight movies simultaneously, provided all actors and sets are identical.
First off, the late night TV scene. These nightly shows are hard up for material, and have been the first to suffer due to the writer’s strike. May I suggest the following replacements?
Instead of Leno, a show where I, your host, interview prominent celebrities of the day through the lost art of impromptu woodcarving.
Instead of The Colbert Report, a somewhat similar political news show, in which I read headlines off of Google news in an exaggerated fashion. I occasionally wink broadly at the camera.