This past Saturday, Dame Justin Bieber appeared on Saturday Night Live as the musical guest.Â It was hosted by Tina Fey and you can catch the "full" episode here.Â "Full" was in quotes because Hulu seems to have cut quite a bit from the episode.Â The Goodbyes at the end had Fey thanking Steve Martin, who was apparently in a sketch?Â You couldn't tell from the episode, because the Hulu version has Martin only appearing for the Goodbyes.Â Fey's monologue could also not be found, nor could either of Bieber's performances.Â It makes sense that there were no tweeny Bieber tunes (Twiebunes?), because I imagine 12-year-old girls probably don't watch much TV at midnight on a Saturday.Â I don't know for sure, though, because I'm not very familiar with 12-year-old girls (except for The Biebs herself).Â Also, Bwuners can be pretty disturbing:
Despite the absence of any Tweibers, she did appear in several live sketches.Â I did a little searching and managed to find everything from the episode that was cut for the Hulu version.Â The elusive Steve Martin sketch was apparently just one of many that featured surprise guests.Â Here were some of my favorites...
This would have been funnier if Myers didn't choose to just read Cat In The Hat out loud for five minutes.Â He didn't even use his Sprockets character's voice, it was bizarre.Â Admittedly, the sketch would have been way less funny if Bieber didn't get nervous and puke on stage.Â Glad she did that.
It wouldn't have been an episode of SNL without an appearance from Gilly (apparently).Â Bieber killed in this sketch, in that she literally shot someone to death on stage.Â A warrant for her arrest is pending, because LOOK AT THAT PUNUM!Â Seriously, Biebs is totes presh and spesh (totally precious and special).
This was definitely the best sketch I've seen all year.Â Bieber's raw physicality and stage presence was awe-inspiring.Â Seriously, she owned that stage.Â My only complaint would be the overuse of the character's catchphrase, "Why did I choose to live near the river on top of my van?Â I could easily live inside the van!"
Agent Mulder himself showed up for a reprise of his classic "Goat Files" sketch (based on a sneeze by Jim Breuer).Â Biebs did Goat Skully justice, but not a whole lot.
I think it's a testament to Bieber's skills as an actress that she appeared as herself in this sketch.Â Maybe I don't know what "testament" or "actress" or "skills" mean, but I stand by what I said.
She puked in this one, too.
Forget 'morale-boosters,' we'd rather have the money.
Trends among women trigger a level of contempt that's way beyond what is deserved.
Buckle up. This article is gonna be wild.