Rotten Tomatoes Finally Killed Pre-Release User Reviews

Darn it, assholes! You've gone and ruined another already-terrible thing that should have been ruined a long time ago! Rotten Tomatoes has announced that they're finally ending the extremely bad practice whereby they let non-critics review movies before they even come out. The decision comes a few years too late, however, as brigades of scumbags have driven down the audience scores of Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Black Panther, and as I recently covered, Captain Marvel, all for the simple crime of not being Batman reboots.

Talking to CNET, the president of Fandango (which owns Rotten Tomatoes), initially described the move as all about "noise reduction" -- because it's totally normal to discuss expunging virulent poison with the same language Bose employs to sell headphones. The site itself clarified: "Unfortunately, we have seen an uptick in non-constructive input, sometimes bordering on trolling, which we believe is a disservice to our general readership. We have decided that turning off this feature for now is the best course of action."

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It's a good start, sure, but it won't stop those jerkwads from leaving the same comments after a movie comes out anyway. After all, you'd be hard-pressed to find people more persistent than men of privilege who think they're underdogs. Twitter user @thomas_violence tweeted out this gem that encapsulates this whole ordeal quite nicely:

Rotten Tomatoes Finally Killed Pre-Release User ReviewsTwitter

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These people think they're on the front lines of a grand culture war, so they try to justify lame pop culture haranguing with eloquent quotes on the nature of tyranny that sound like the wisdom of a 17-century French philosopher, but really came from the mouth of noted fantasy dwarf Tyrion Lannister.

While it's great that RT is finally killing off a flawed feature that should never have been up in the first place, they're not doing much to address the core problem: review manipulation by assholes with horrible agendas. So far, pretty much no one on the internet has figured that one out. But a good start would be to stop dancing around the issue. Call these motherfuckers out. Lose their business, happily. After all, how big can the "bigoted loudmouth" market really be?

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D-don't answer that.

Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. And check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's Goop parody

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