I remember it like it was last Thursday. Because it was last Thursday, and I have an excellent memory. I remember showing up to Jack O'Brien's office (house?) with my suitcase in hand, hope in my eyes, and a smile on my face. And a flask full of Jack Daniels in my pocket. It was April 24th, the day before April 25th, a day I'd been looking forward to all year. I took a quick swig from my flask and dropped it off with Jack's secretary. He has a "thing" about me drinking from a flask. While on the clock. And at 2:00 in the afternoon. Jack can be pretty uptight sometimes, but I wasn't about to get on his bad side. Not today. While his secretary stared at the flask, clearly puzzled, I showed myself up the stairs to Jack's cubicle (bedroom?). I had to make sure to stay on my absolute best behavior. After all, the ROFLCon was the next day and Jack had personally selected
"Seriously, Jack & Field, this was my chance. ROFLCon is the only organization that would legitimately ask me to give a speech. Ever." No matter how many letters I send to Harvard. "I know. I
See? And that article goes on to say--and I am for once not lying-- that we should "[b]y all means hang Hannah Montana." Cracked made that happen. Not Tron Guy. Don't let anyone tell you different. The only conclusion I can draw from this is that we've surpassed internet fame completely and now we're actual legitimate celebrities. I guess I'll know for sure if I get invited to the next BET Awards. Meanwhile, this is becoming a huge problem for me: What the hell does Cheezburger have that we don't? First the Webby's burns us, and now ROFLCon? How long? How long must Cracked.com play Salieri to the Mozart that is I Can Haz Cheezburger?
If we lose one more popularity contest to a bunch of pictures of fucking cats doing bullshit, I swear to God I'm gonna burn the internet to the ground.
Forget 'morale-boosters,' we'd rather have the money.
Trends among women trigger a level of contempt that's way beyond what is deserved.
Buckle up. This article is gonna be wild.