Both these men volunteered to do this. Critically, the value of the snitch has been reduced to three goals, though its capture still ends the game. This no longer guarantees a win by capturing the snitch, but it still makes it nearly impossible to win the game without it. So it's a small improvement, but not a total one. I guess expecting great things while observing people who run around wearing capes with brooms clenched between their legs is a recipe for disappointment and full body shivers.
Recall that in his first match, Harry Potter caught the snitch by accident, in his mouth. I suppose I may be overthinking this. The first book where the rules were originally laid out (Harry Potter and the Escape to Witch Mountain) was written primarily for kids, and it's reasonable for Rowling and her Editor to have assumed that children might not care too much about the tactical or strategic implications of the rules for the flying broom game. That nasally-voiced nerds like myself got a hold of the novels was a fluke--a once in a generation turdstorm of commercial success. That I care about the rules for a fictional game says more about me and the priorities I've made in my life (Doritos, Harry Potter, Loneliness) than it does about Rowling. On the other hand, I have a column to write, and non-nude soul searching rarely gets more page views than angry calls-to-arms printed in capital letters. Extreme action is going to be required if we're to get these novels and films changed now, which as near as I can tell IS THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE OUTCOME. I'm asking all Cracked readers who will be attending this week's premiere of the new Harry Potter movie to do so with a ball hanging out of the back of their shorts. If questioned by theater management or the media, scream, "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE FORCED ME TO DO! LOOK AT THE RUIN YOU HAVE WROUGHT J.K. ROWLING!" Try and swing around a bit to get your snitch to collide with people nearby. If striking people with a spare testicle isn't a positive way to enact change, I don't know what is. Dangle proud, brothers and sisters. Dangle strong. __
Our bodies are changing.
Many of today's celebrities have some real surprises in their family trees.
Everybody loves a good old-fashioned meltdown.
Fictional love triangles are always a rigged game.