This piece was written by the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Some folks say the jungle is dangerous, or that the depths of the ocean harbor secret terrors. Others claim that the surface of Mars is a harsh wasteland capable of decimating any humans who dare to colonize it. But the truth is that none of these places can hold a candle to the depraved cruelty of the modern internet. Even if you manage to escape social media's assault on your self-esteem and the crushing stupidity of most YouTube "personalities," all your valuable data is still vulnerable to malware and hackers.
That's why you need to get a VPN, a virtual private network. This is a service that allows you to route your internet connection through an outside server, hiding your online presence and allowing you to explore this terrible hellscape safely and privately. It's like The Matrix, or Ready Player One, or The Sixth Day, or a dozen other movies we could name that have similar premises, because online safety is now as real a human need as any other. And Cracked has picked out three promising VPN deals so that you can pick the one that works best for your budget and security needs.
First we have this Pay What You Want: Fastest VPN Lifetime Subscription Bundle, on sale for a screen-shattering $2, or 96% off its retail price of $59.61. This license will guard your computer like an angry digital three-headed dog, barking and snarling at any weird links or unwelcome solicitations.
Up next is the FastestVPN Lifetime Subscription (For Five Devices), on sale for $25.99 (95% off the retail price of $600). And as if that wasn't enough, we can offer you an additional 20% off with the checkout code APRILSAVE20. If the last deal was one digital Cerberus, this is like five digital hellhounds, one for each device which you think deserves such a level of protection.
Finally, we have the FastestVPN Lifetime Subscription (Ten Devices). As savvy readers have no doubt already deduced, this will protect ten devices. And it's on sale in the Cracked Store for a mere $39.99 (that's 96% off the normal retail price of $1,200). And that's before you knock another 20% off with the checkout code APRILSAVE20. That's a pretty good deal for what is essentially ten freakin' Cerberi, spitting flames and taking names.
With these services, you can sleep sound knowing that you've done all you can to protect yourself from the most vile depths of the Internet. Well, maybe the second-vilest depths of the internet. We still don't know how to stop YouTubers from sucking. But we promise we're working on it.
Not convinced? Here's Why You Need A VPN (And How To Get One).