What kind of weirdo tampers with Halloween candy? Since the 1960s, the American media has deluged us every year with tales of terror from Halloween night. Check your damn candy for cyanide and razor blades and rabid marmots, because there's a high likelihood your neighbors are all extremely lazy, opportunistic killers who strike but once a year.
News of the dreaded Halloween scourge this year comes from Wisconsin, where children are being poisoned with methamphetamine! Or more accurately, one kid found a small bag of meth in his haul of candy after a Halloween event, and panic took over the story from there. It wasn't hidden in a Snickers or anything; it was a literal bag of meth. And it was one kid. So maybe some meth head is trying to kill a single kid in Wisconsin, or just as likely, some meth head lost his meth because he was all hopped up on meth and surrounded by three-foot-tall goblins begging for candy.
The bizarre fact of Halloween is that no one has ever been poisoned by Halloween candy from a stranger -- or at least no one took the time to tell law enforcement. Most of the panic stems from one very sad case in 1974, in which a father poisoned his own son with cyanide and then laced some other candy as a way to try to cover up his crime. That was it. One shitty dad killing his own child sparked an nationwide panic.