Dear Santa, I understand you will be coming into our house tonight. Please donât hurt us. I have been very good all year, and all I ask is that you make your stay short and donât take any of mommy's nice things. I assume from the red circles under your eyes that you are drunk; please try to keep from knocking anything over while youâre here. If you want to leave me a bike, that would be great, but only if itâs a gift and you donât want it back later. I donât need you knocking on my window or sending me death threats in the mail come February. Iâve enclosed five dollars. Please consider it a gift, in exchange for your not urinating anywhere in the house. And please Santa, get some help. Sleeping with a rifle, Billy
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