Dear readers, in my eternal quest to find the freshest, most intriguing, least important minutiae about which to blog, it sometimes happens that there is a moment of kismet, of destiny, of utter serendipity. At these moments, it is as if the Comedy Gods have reached down from the heavens and deposited a fully formed piece directly in front of me. I give you, without alteration or exaggeration, four headlines that appeared in my Google news search this morning. I've linked the articles themselves, but trust me; they're not nearly as hilarious as the headlines. Angelina Jolie Loves Eating Bacon and Sausages Christina Aguilera Digs Chicks Britney Spears Loves Public Restrooms Hillary Duff Likes Vaseline on her Face Amen. ADDENDUM: Turns out Hillary Duff loves Vaseline so much she's agreed to become their new spokesperson. It's a perfect fit, really; whenever I think of Hillary Duff, my first reaction is always to go straight for the Vaseline. SECOND ADDENDUM: Yes, I masturbate with Vaseline. No, I don't recommend it.
The main benefit of watching TV is seeing the plight of sad bastards who aren't you.
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There's no shortage of downright absurd conspiracy theories out there.
Instead of rebooting and recasting, we have a chance for something new.