Dear readers, in my eternal quest to find the freshest, most intriguing, least important minutiae about which to blog, it sometimes happens that there is a moment of kismet, of destiny, of utter serendipity. At these moments, it is as if the Comedy Gods have reached down from the heavens and deposited a fully formed piece directly in front of me. I give you, without alteration or exaggeration, four headlines that appeared in my Google news search this morning. I've linked the articles themselves, but trust me; they're not nearly as hilarious as the headlines. Angelina Jolie Loves Eating Bacon and Sausages Christina Aguilera Digs Chicks Britney Spears Loves Public Restrooms Hillary Duff Likes Vaseline on her Face Amen. ADDENDUM: Turns out Hillary Duff loves Vaseline so much she's agreed to become their new spokesperson. It's a perfect fit, really; whenever I think of Hillary Duff, my first reaction is always to go straight for the Vaseline. SECOND ADDENDUM: Yes, I masturbate with Vaseline. No, I don't recommend it.
Forget 'morale-boosters,' we'd rather have the money.
Trends among women trigger a level of contempt that's way beyond what is deserved.
These stories remind us what unlimited wealth and power can do to a human being.
Can we rest?