Make Your Boring Office Job Suck Less With The Cracked Store

Ah, the cubicle. For some, it provides a pleasant little nook in which to do work, and for others, it's a reminder that nature may as well not even exist anymore. Cubicles are linked to depression, stress, isolation, and never-ending pictures of your office manager's children. And chances are you're reading this article in one right now.

Save me from this nightmare!

Oh, we will. The Cracked Dispensary and the Cracked Store are here to help you leave the cubicle and set up your own home office. Our items are designed to pump up your resume and spice up your new digs. Now all you need to do is tell those corporate succubae to go straight to hell, and prepare yourself for a life of sweatpants and shameless amounts of coffee guzzling.

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Here we have two entrepreneurial mavericks rolled up into one. Surely, everyone can recognize Professor X for the financial wizard that he is (the X-Jet doesn't pay for itself), but Edward Scissorhands is quite the business savant himself. Think about it. He took his finger shears -- something that was supposed to be a disadvantage -- and used them to create a profitable bush-trimming business. Throw in the fact that he's a self-starter, and you've got yourself one heck of a motivational T-shirt.

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Every office needs a wall clock. It's the only way to remind you that, outside of your cocoon of contractor tax forms and roll-y chairs, time still exists. This Homer Simpson Clock will keep you from descending into a state of Lovecraftian horror. If there's anyone who can remind you to take a break every once in a while, it's Homer. So crack open a can of Duff, grab yourself a donut, and put your feet up, because when you have your own office, it's 5 o'clock whenever you want.

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A coffee mug is the cornerstone of every office. It makes a statement to whomever sits down that "The person working here works so hard that they need liquid drugs to keep going." That's why you need this Tesla/Thor mug. Tesla is the embodiment of energy, and holding Mjolnir only makes him more powerful. Likewise, holding this mug only makes you more powerful as well.

Hmm, I could get used to working in an office.

It only gets better. Here are three training courses, right from the Cracked Store, designed to take you from paper pusher to cigar-smoking, deal-making, affair-having business tycoon.

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Project Management Professional Certification, or PMP, is a globally recognized project management certification that ensures that project managers have the necessary skills to complete projects on time and within budget. If a resume were a sundae, then being PMP certified is like the cherry, sprinkles, whip cream, and extra scoop of ice cream on top. We mean this figuratively, of course. Please don't eat your resume. Employers hate that.

Digital marketing management is so broad that it encompasses everything from social media to copywriting to email marketing to your overall web presence. Essentially, by taking this course, you'll learn all the tips and tricks you need to maximize the internet to increase your profit. It turns out that posting your website on Facebook accompanied by cat GIFs just doesn't cut it anymore.

Learning Microsoft Excel in high school is a lot like learning a new language in high school; you believe you're proficient until you're stuck in a Mexican airport and all you can say is "Me llamo gato." That's why it's so important to get this Excel tutorial bundle. Learning Excel at an actual proficient level will enable you to create, dissect, and augment data, meaning your business strategy can finally evolve past casually mentioning "Oh, yeah. I've heard of graphs" in conversations.

Where do I send those dolla dolla bills, y'all!

Spoken like a true titan of industry. You can get more from the Cracked Dispensary and the Cracked Store by just clicking the links. If you want any of the items listed in this article, give that cursor a trip upstate and click on the corresponding product pictures. You know how the saying goes: You have to spend money to make money. And once you've made money, you have to spend said money on more Cracked gear.

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