Me-time is a real thing we should all indulge in a couple times a week to exorcise the rage cultivated from our days of being around other people. It veers off course, though, when it becomes a daily routine that you feel you absolutely need in order to function ... even though logic tells you that you'll totally be fine without it, and you're just good at lying to yourself. At that point, the problem isn't the world; it's you.
Only serial murderers who stare at their reflection for a while and then punch it need me-time that deep into the night. Over-exposure to me-time leads to holding it sacred, and anything that stands in its way feels like a personal attack. So when my girlfriend rightly suggests I stop doing my glossy-eyed nothing and instead lie beside her to get some well-earned sleep, my reaction is to fire back with an argument that boils down to, "Yeah, but if I don't go to bed at 6 a.m. and get 47 minutes of sleep, I won't be mentally equipped to handle the day."
It's the logic of a child: failed from the first word, because just opening my mouth and making a sound that can be interpreted as even a little defensive means I don't get it.
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Or to put it another way: "La-la-la! I can't hear you! La-La-La!"
But, more than anything, the dumbest and most illogical part of staying up late is something I've touched on a few times already ...
Thinking There's Anything Worth Doing So Late At Night
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"Nothing good ever happens after 2 a.m." That's one of those folksy sayings that is regurgitated by people who would love to party all night with you if only they weren't condescending assholes unworthy of an invite. Still, there's a tiny shred of truth to it behind its insufferable smugness.
To anyone out there reading this who is also a chronic night owl, answer this question as honestly as your pride will allow: The fuck are you doing that's so important? How many times can you go to the same four websites and see the same shit before you realize you're living in a rerun of the shittiest episode of your life? Do you really think that when you're done with your five-hour Netflix marathon you're going to crawl into bed with a fulfilled soul, like you just spent all night building schools?
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Like looking in a mirror, isn't it?
No. Staying up late isn't going to fulfill any of your life's needs, unless one of them is to be the annoying asshole at the office that's like, "I'm grumpy if I don't get my coffee! Ha-ha!" and then you drink the coffee and become a caffeinated asshole. At best, you'll be able to say you finished watching a Netflix show before anyone else. At worst ... well, fuck, you're the worst if you do that. Why would you boast about that? Sleep does fulfill a need, though. So snap out of it and go catch your sleep time before that sneaky bastard jacks a car and flees to Mexico.
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For more from Luis, check out 4 Easy Ways To Get Away With Dick Moves and 4 Video Games That Revolutionized Boring Parts Of Gaming.
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