New Police Album! (If You Can Only Read Headlines)

I guess I should know better than to rely on anything I read in Starpulse, but what can I say? One of their catchy headlines got me again: THE POLICE CONSIDER FIRST ALBUM SINCE 1983’s ‘SYNCHRONICITY’ Now that would be news. I mean, I took a pass on the recent Police shows because reunion tours are for old ladies and prepubescents, but original material? Well, that really would be something. But if you read a little further into the story (assuming you can read and you’re not a guttural illiterate who stumbles around Starpulse for the pictures) you see that the “story” is based merely a quote from Police guitarist Andy Summers:

'It's sort of like living with the elephant in the room. I would see it as a challenge, to make an absolutely brilliant pop album at this stage of our career, and that would be something quite remarkable.'

Great. Andy Summers thinks it would “remarkable” to make a Police album, but NO ONE in The Police is talking about it. So, y’know, you should probably get in line and reserve your copy right now. In just a few months, you’ll be a few months closer to something that will never happen. Because for this story to have any weight the quote would have to be from Sting and he’s not saying anything. And it’s not like Sting’s shy. This is the man who felt the need to tell everyone that he has marathon tantric sex sessions with his wife. This is man who goes through some of the greatest musicians in modern music like they were kids from the neighborhood garage band. This is a man who’s been losing his hair since 1982 and, yet, has managed –by sheer force of will—not to go completely bald. So really, unless Sting’s talking, there’s no new Police album Still, you almost have to admire Starpulse’s ability to make something out of nothing. I’m looking forward to these future headlines: NEW BEATLES ALBUM (Ringo says working would be fun) STAR WARS EPISODE 7 ON THE WAY (Hope several desperate virgins) OSAMA BIN LADEN WILL BE FOUND (Claims President Bush)