This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Your teeth are some of the strongest bones in your body, and also a key part of your long-term health. So the only way to attain a healthy, longer life is to scrub the dickens out of them and rip your gums to shreds with floss, right? Nope, we've found a better way. Several better ways, actually. Starting with ...
This snazzy little mouth machine can remove up to 10 times the plaque that normal toothbrushes can, and at least 50 times the amount of plaque you'd get out by rubbing your teeth with toothpaste on your finger. All the credit should go to its unbelievable 40,000 vpm motor. The included travel case is also a pretty great perk for anyone who likes to travel without getting their mouth all gross.
Normally $139.99, we're offering $100 off here -- grab it in the Cracked Shop for just $39.99.
This absolute monster of a toothbrush hits your mouth with 40,000 strokes per minute and includes a helpful timer to make sure you brush for the dentist-recommended length of time (way more than 10 seconds). You can also get two straight weeks of brushing out of a single charge, which is nothing to sneeze / spit your toothpaste at.
Normally $259.99, you can grab yours in the Cracked Shop for just $49.99.
If you want fast results (as if anyone wants slow results), then you'll need to check out CleanSonic. It can improve your gum health in as little as a single week with its 35,000 vpm. An included LCD screen makes keeping track of battery power a snap, and the four included brush heads mean you won't need to run to the store for a new one anytime soon.
Normally $99.99, grab yours in the Cracked Shop for just $28.99.
Not only does the Bristl massage your teeth with some healthy scrub brushes, but it also blasts your gingivitis with ultraviolet light which vaporizes bacteria while soothing your gums. It features two modes: 12,000 rpm for soft massaging and 24,000 rpm for a brutal smackdown.
Hold on to your gums and check out this turbo brusher. 40,000 vibrations per minute, a wireless charging glass to rinse when you're done brushing, and a sweet timer that tells you when to switch brushing areas. Is this a toothbrush kit or JARVIS for your mouth?
Normally $99.99, grab yours in the Cracked Shop for just $54.99.
Flossing can be akin to strangling your gums with piano wire. However, a water flosser replaces the aggressive gum-stabbing fabric of floss with soothing water, which is both more effective and less invasive than the minty string you're used to.
Normally $59.99, grab yours in the Cracked Shop for just $39.99.
The oral irrigator treats your mouth like a fertile farm (but without that manure smell), blasting your gums with a cozy water jet at one of ten adjustable levels to guarantee healthier gums and a cleaner, healthier mouth.
Normally $36.99, grab yours in the Cracked Shop for just $59.99.
For more great ways to treat yo' self, check out this Bluestone Men's 3D Rotary Rechargeable Cordless Shaver and this Exclusive Da Bomb Bath Fizzers Pack: 11 Bath Bombs And Loofah.
Oh, and no offense, But Your Sheets Are Probably Gross, Here's Some New Ones.
Movies are never more unrealistic than when they're showing us exactly what a dollar can buy.