Due to this rocky introduction, we were initially hesitant to get into the scene. But the aforementioned couple did turn us on to websites like Kasidie and Lifestyle Lounge, where you can keep up with the scene and meet other couples (kind of like OKCupid, but for swingers). Through these sites, we found information on local mixers -- discreet get-togethers at bars, where swingers can meet each other and newbies can get their toes wet (stop giggling) in a chill setting.
The veteran couples we met at these mixers were always welcoming and more than willing to offer us advice on getting started. And perhaps most importantly, they never pressured us into doing anything we weren't ready for. In fact, we soon realized the scene is all about asking before you initiate any sort of contact with someone. That was a welcome relief for us, especially after the pressure my wife had previously received from the aforementioned husband.
As we met more and more couples who were understanding and patient, who were happy to stop the moment one of us hesitated, we realized that there are some truly good and decent people in the lifestyle. And as we got more comfortable, we started being willing to do more. That led us to three years' worth of conversations about how far we were willing to go, what exactly we were looking for within the scene, and above all else, how we were in this together. We didn't want to end up in a situation where one of us was like, "I'm bored. I'm going out fuck-hunting. If I get lucky, I'll see you tomorrow, loser!"
Once we were comfortable with escalating, we realized ...