There's something about that boy, Bonita thought but would never dare say. Something different, a kind of focused detachment, if that's even possible. It wasn't possible, but independent thought wasn't one of Bonita's strong points. Theo's claws clicked and clacked on the linoleum of the floor, making a sort of "clickity clackity" sound, like the sound of dragon claws on linoleum. Bonita turned to one of the minor characters, a girl one. "Who is that boy," Bonita asked. "He is so mysterious, and so different from the other boys." In the distance, Theo snarled and swung his tail a few times, inadvertently sweeping the legs of a passing student. "Who, you mean Theo?" Bonita's friend-person smiled off in the direction of Theo, chewing gum or twirling her hair or something. "Theo's mysterious. No one knows much about him, but he's been around forever. He only disappeared once, three years ago, when he drove across country on his motorcycle. He's so dreamy. He lives just outside of town in Dragon Hills." If Bonita had responsible parents, they'd have taught her to ask questions like "Why is he at our school if he doesn't live in this town?" and "How old must he be if he already had a motorcycle license three years ago, when we were all 12?" Unfortunately, Bonita's parents really only existed so they could disapprove of her young love, and I can't even totally remember if she had both parents or if one of them died at some point. And I am not flipping back to check, so you can just forget it.

"Keep dreaming, Bonnie," Bonita's friend said. Bonita had never had a nickname before. She reacted with indifference. "Theo doesn't date anybody. He's out of everyone's league. See you in class." She's not in the book anymore. While Bonita's friend walked off in a direction, Bonita continued to watch the mysterious and mysterious Theo. She still couldn't quite put her finger on what exactly it was that separated Theo from the other boys, even as she sat watching him blast fire from his gaping mouth. She sat there emotionlessly, drool trickling down her chin, watching Theo for a little while longer. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, but probably wasn't, Theo approached her, his horns pointing out like dongs atop his head, and his dong, confident and powerful, protruding from his dong-region like a massive horn. "You must be Bonita," Theo said, his voice low and warm, and with just a hint of mischief. He sounded the way that drives girls crazy, like an American Idol or an iPod or whatever. His eyes, the color of coals (black), seemed to be staring directly into Bonita's soul. A warming chill sent sweaty shivers up Bonita's spine. "I am," Bonita said, registering neither shock nor joy at the realization that Theo knew her name. "I was about to go to lunch," Theo whispered, his pointed dragon teeth looking like a bunch of finely sharpened dongs. "Are you hungry?" "No." I don't feel like mentioning that my stomach is already full, Bonita thought. Full of butterflies. Fucking each other. "No, I'm sure you're hungry," snarled Theo. "Let's get out of here." It's true, Bonita was hungry. Maybe she didn't realize it before, or maybe she just needed a strong man in her life to tell her exactly how she felt, but now all she could think about was eating whatever Theo told her to eat. Over tacos, Theo and Bonita discussed this and that, the things that kids are all nutty about.

The Fresh Prince, let's say. "I enjoy the way Carlton dances," Theo said. Bonita agreed, though she'd never particularly felt one way or the other about it in the past and wasn't sure if she'd ever seen the program, only that she was suddenly all about the way Carlton danced. "Parents just don't understand," Theo said and they both had a good laugh. Theo stared at Bonita, and she at him, and he at her, their eyes burning eyeholes into each other, like a bunch... like this was some kind of... like, a goddamned eye-laser jamboree, I swear to God, like, you don't even know. "Dearest," Theo whispered, his eyes blazing, with whatever color I said they were before, "I wish to take you away from this harsh, oppressive world that seeks only to stifle your warm, seething desires. I ask you, with the clarity only achieved by total passion, to join me, and live with me forever, away from fruitless work of mortals, away from the laws of man, the laws of the ignorant. Join me in my tower, where the only work is the work that I shall do in the service of your whims, where the only laws are those committed to your pleasure, where the only authority to whom you must answer is your heart." Bonita sat quietly, wondering what about Theo's wings were different from the wings of the other boys at school. "I'mma pork you with my dragon tail, is what I'm trying to say," Theo clarified, mistaking Bonita's stoic lack of personality for confusion. "Dragon," Bonita exclaimed, snapping her fingers. "That's it, I knew it was something. I'm not sure if I can leave my friends and family." It was sort of a moot point, because Theo had already taken the mouth-breathing, borderline-catatonic Bonita to his tower while she was trying to figure out tacos, but everything was cool, she didn't really have a ton of friends at school, or anything. Anyway there's some dragon fucking in the next chapter, so you should probably stick around.

Chapters: Prologue: I'm Making Up My Own Rules About Dragons So Go To Hell 1. The Road to Colorado 2. The First Day of School 3. Meeting Theo [See excerpt above.] 4. Theo Has a Secret! 5. He's a Dragon, Is the Secret 6. Inside Theo's Tower 7. Seeing An Angel 8. Getting All Up In That Angel 9. Young Hearts 10. Wise Beyond Her Age 11. No One is Too Young For Love 12. Dragon Years (Are Like Accelerated Human Years, So It's OK) 13. The Age-Related Laws When it Comes to Sex Are Completely Arbitrary, When You Think About It 14. What Does "Consent" Even Mean? Consent From Whom? The Law Is Not Clear 15. The Second Day of School 16. Thug Life 17. Trouble (In Paradise) 18. A Restless Passion 19. Fisting (In Paradise) 20. The Cullens - [Note: This is a chapter I lifted directly from Twilight. I'm cool with this if you are.] 21. The Chapter With the Fighting 22. Theo's Swollen, Throbbing Boathouse- 23. Epilogue: The Lessons Dragons Teach Us Author Bio My name is Daniel O'Brien and I am an Internet Daniel. I've been writing semi-professionally for the Internet semi-soberly for the past few years. Writing for the Internet is to literature what aimlessly punching statues in the nuts is to karate, which is to say that it makes me slightly more qualified than your average, mentally disadvantaged homeless man. The only lesson learned in my many years of trudging through the murky, putrid swamp of brain-rot that is the World Wide Web is that I want to stop writing for the Internet as soon as possible, even if it means completely compromising any laughable sense of integrity for the sake of cashing in on the Supernatural Teen Monster Bullshit genre.

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I'll be at Comic-Con all weekend alternately reporting on the events and trolling for nerd ass. Follow my adventures on Twitter and, if you're in San Diego, bail me out of prison.

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