I'm going to cut you off, there and get right down to this: All of the nominations are correct. You just weren't nominated.
Okay, so you do
see the problem, great. If we could just get my name up there, then, we'll all-
No, you misunderstand. You weren't nominated, and you won't be nominated. If I had to guess, I'd say it's because Cracked isn't technically a blog. It's a series of articles, videos, comics and columns, a disturbing amount of which, I might add, seem to be about Hannah Montana, for some reason.
What the hell do you mean
we're not a blog?
Blogs update several times a day. And often, a lot of the blogs that we deal with are newsworthy, and important. And, you know...relevant. Cracked's just not very relevant, in the blog world.
Wait, are you trying to imply that Cracked's not relevant?
I think I've gone pretty far beyond implying it, but sure.
you! I'm the definition of relevant. I'm Mr. Fucking Relevant.
I got relevance spewing out my god damn ass.
Wow, that's enough of that.
Let's get something straight, DOB is all about relevance. He lives it
, okay? I put the 'dick' in 'relevance,' you understand?
(There was a slight pause.)
no 'dick' in relevance.
No? Must've left it in your sister, then. Huh.
Kevin: Excuse me?
Ooh, sorry, Guy, you're breaking up, I can't...quite...hear-
And then I threw my phone out the window. Which, in retrospect, was a poor decision. But, I like to think that we live and learn, even though I've ended every single phone call the exact same way and so far haven't learned a thing.
"Is that not the saddest thing you ever heard
, Boss," I asked Jack.
"I guess so, but, again, I wasn't even close to paying attention, so really..."
"I'm just sick of being snubbed, you know? I don't ask for a lot. I'm a simple man. All I want in life is to win all of the awards in the world and have rough, slimy sex with super models. Is that so wrong?"