So, since the plot of The Incredible Hulk promises to be just as bad as the first Hulk disaster, I'm going to go ahead and base my judgements of this movie on some of its other aspects. Namely, the quality of breast that will be carrying this movie.
It's absolutely no contest. Jennifer Connolly's Breasts win the day by a landslide. The Happening [Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Zoey Deschanel, The Faint Sound of M. Night Shamalan Masturbating Out of Self-Satisfaction] I don't know why they keep letting Shamalan make movies. Honestly. Sixth Sense was okay, I suppose. Watch it again, now that you know the twist. It's really slow and kind of boring, isn't it? Then go ahead and watch the other pieces of s**t he did. They're also very slow-paced and uneventful. In any given M. Night movie, there are no more than two moments of actual action. (1. "I see dead people." 2. "I'm Dead." "I know, I can see you.") Everything else is just atmosphere. M. Night spends so much time setting the mood and playing creepy music and having his actors stare at things looking confused and, meanwhile, nothing actually happens.
And The Happening looks no different. I'm gonna go ahead and guess that the first bit of action in this movie will be people killing themselves when they're struck by this stupid disease or whatever, and the second bit of action will be the big, destined-to-be-disappointing reveal at the end, ("Turns out aliens were making us kill ourselves but they're afraid of water. Goodnight folks!").
So there you have it, Folks. Skip these movies and use the money you'll save on a more noble cause, (me.) Or better yet, hold on to the money so you can watch The Dark Knight over and over and over again. I can't friggin' wait for that movie.
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