Throughout the history of TV, cartoons have always been able to get away with a little more than their live action counterparts. That insulating shield of paint and ink seems to give the creators license to stretch, and sometimes to downright goatse, our notions of decency. The first show on TV to show a young boy spewing diarrhea onto his motherâs face was South Park
, and thereâs a reason for that. It just wouldnât work on The Drew Carey Show
, not even during their April Foolâs Day special. It's the same reason the Road Runner cartoons of the 60's sold so much better than actual footage of coyotes getting mangled to death.
Enter the late 80's. It was a tender time in a young boy's life. Our bodies were changing in strange, unsettling ways, and our parents, as usual, had failed us at every turn. Luckily, Television was there to do their job for them. Inside that glowing box we found a bounty of fictional vixen, drawn to exacting specifications and designed to fill us with feelings we wouldn't understand until years later, when we spent the night at the house of the kid whose parents had the Spice Channel.
10. Gadget from Chip Nâ Daleâs Rescue Rangers
A group of rodents living in the park solve major crimes throughout the city, and believe it or not, youâre not huffing glue. Well, maybe you are, but the show was real, and Chip wore an awesome bomber jacket.
The Object Of Our Misguided Affection:
Gadget Hackwrench was a brilliant inventor, pilot, and mechanic who also happened to be a field mouse. A field mouse that seemed to have fashioned a tiny auburn wig out of locks of human hair, and whose ability to turn discarded soda cans into airplanes put MacGyver to shame.
Look at her tiny little aviator goggles! Theyâre adorable!
Sheâs probably the only female on this list who would have found our 11-year-old junk imponderably huge.
Thereâs no telling what she can do with that tail of hers.
Both Chip and Dale expressed romantic interest in Gadget throughout the series, so itâs not like youâre without competition. And as sheâs accustomed to seeing them without pants on, theyâve got a fairly substantive head start.
Monterey Jack seemed fairly protective of Gadget, although a well-placed slice of cheese or large boot could probably take care of him.
As an inventor, you can assume Gadgetâs created devices that can pleasure her far more thoroughly and efficiently than you or I will ever be capable of.
Yes, itâs still bestiality.
The Crude, Misinformed Euphemism We Used To Express Our Lust:
âChip and Dale arenât the only ones who are going to be storing nuts in their mouth.â
The Internet Fallout:
Something For The Ladies (Or Budding Homosexuals):
According to the showâs Wikipedia entry, Chip was modeled after Indiana Jones and Dale after Magnum, P.I. Howâd you like to be the meat in a Harrison Ford and Tom Selleck sandwich?
9. April from The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
The Show: TMNT
introduced us to a giant ninja rat, a man-sized alligator, a clan of feet, a guy who was a brain inside a jar inside another guy, and all other manner of mutated horror we had no way of understanding. But God bless us, we begged our parents to buy it all anyway.