The picture just looks so horrible. But nobody has noticed. More than 100,000 likes, thousands of comments, tens of articles, and nobody's like, "Hey Miley, what's up with this photo? Why didn't you use the original one? The one that comes up when you Google what you probably Googled? Where did you find this photo, Miley? Are you Cody's biggest fucking fan?"
Nobody's asking this, of course, but me. Not even CBS News, which is apparently the only organization that noticed something was amiss when they wrote, "In the photos, the unidentified man's face has been obscured by cut-outs of a what appear to be the face of her Fuller House co-star Dave Coulier."
Yeah, no shit.
There's just no way Miley could have randomly found this photo without having pulled it directly from my column, and that is clownish nonsense. Not just because Miley's got better things to do with her time (lick stuff, arch her back, sing, etc.), but because if she knew it was a poorly Photoshopped joke, why wouldn't she find the original photo and post that? It's a much clearer reference to Miley's alleged "current mood," unless her current mood is "Jodie Sweetin sitting on the lap of a guy who has Dave Coulier's unchanging blurry face Photoshopped onto it." Is that one of the new Facebook reactions? Can I click that button on someone's status? I would like that. In fact, I'd feel "wow face" about it.
So, I guess, just ... get back to me? Anyone? If you can? I mean, preferably Miley, but anyone will do. Obviously there are more pressing matters to deal with. Who was shaming whom? Was anyone shaming anyone? Should anybody feel shame? Can't women just support each other? These are important things. Figure that stuff out. Take your time. But, you know, when you're done with all that, please just let me know what's going on. Tell me what happened. How this happened. Where did Miley get this photo, why did she post this version of it, why has nobody anywhere pointed out what a shitty Photoshop job this obvious joke of a photo is, and is there any way I could maybe pull some copyright nonsense and get a cool million from Miley. Even a lame million would be acceptable.
Cody Johnston is the head writer for Cracked's video department and an avid breather of air. If you're Miley, follow and contact him on Twitter so that you may explain yourself. Then, I don't know, you can come over and we can hug for a while or something. Tumblr and Facebook also exist. Crazy.
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For more celebrity photoshops for all you famous people to ripoff, check out 20 Celebrity Endorsed Products Too Awesome To Exist and 23 Brutally Honest Celebrity Social Media Posts.
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