Well, folks, it's that very special time again, a time I look forward to all year. I tremble with anticipation for this event, in fact, because it's just so magical it makes Christmas morning look like violent prison rape. What event am I talking about? Is it Mother's Day? No, that was last week. Is it Free Iced Coffee Day at Dunkin Donuts? No, that was yesterday. Is it Robert Darcy, 4th Earl of Holderness's birthday? Nope, that's tomorrow. Is it the "DOB's Abs Are Fantastic" Celebration? No, that is a year-long event. What I'm talking about is better than all of those things combined. Ladies and Gentlemen, Carlos Mencia is back.
I know, I know. You were worried for a while when you didn't see any new episodes of his show, Mind of Mencia, for a few months. "Was Carlos cancelled?," you probably wondered. "Where will I get my fresh, edgy, fredgy comedy?" But he's here. Don't worry. Not only will Mind of Mencia be back May 21st, but Carlos has a stand-up special on Comedy Central on Sunday in case, like me, you just can't wait until tomorrow to get your Mencia fix. Me? I'm giddy as a schoolgirl, positively bursting at the crotch with anticipation. I've been personally lobbying for Mencia Mayhem to replace the Weather Channel for the past three years now. 24 hours of just Mencia and his unique catalogue of jokes, (the one about how Mexicans are infamous for laziness, etc). f**k weather. Mencia all day every day.
2. He Often Makes Fun of Retarded People Sure, any old comedian can take the tedious minutiae of everyday life and put a clever, unique and hilarious spin on it, but it takes a real comedic hero to make fun of retarded people. Frankly, I think we're all pretty much in agreement over the fact that the mentally disabled have had it too good for too long, and it's about time Carlos Mencia finally put them in their place. "Dee dee dee" is the inventive phrase that you hear all the cool kids saying these days. Conceived by Carlos (?), the phrase represents mentally challenged and stupid people because...because stupid people say 'dee dee dee' a lot, I guess? Or because he once heard a retarded person or...something. I don't know. There's a song that goes along with it. It's complicated. Regardless of why he came up with it or what it means or why it took the nation by storm, the point is, he came up with it. (Probably.)
This should have resulted in years of therapy.
Sometimes it's just a matter of making the US Department of Defense look, like, REALLY cool.
Actual impending doom like global climate change or mass extinction just makes people bored.