As a public service, I've put together the finest safety publication the World of Caution has ever known: Stayin' Safe With Kirk Cameron. In this issue you'll learn how to resuscitate a lingerie model, how to hide from robots, how a banana proves God and how Popsicle Pete became what we know him(?) as today. Reading this is like wrapping a condom around your entire life and for the next several minutes, you are guaranteed not to die. That was Kirk Cameron's idea. Personally, I'm trying to kill you.
Most rich kids just want to be pop stars.
How did these hyper-specific tropes spread so quickly?
The Hollywood rumor mill has been playing games with celebrity deaths for at least a century.
It's easy to work the system and win these awards even if you don't deserve them.