This classic-looking bike is built using algorithms and geometry too complex for us to even fathom, especially considering that the only geometry we thought applied to bikes were the two circles. Clearly we were wrong, because this will be the smoothest ride you'll ever have. Normally $499, you can get it now for just $399.
If you're a bunch of gangsters like us, then your playing cards are always getting ruined with blood and bullet holes. OK, more likely, they're getting ruined by spilled Chef Boyardee, but that beefaroni is ruthless, man. Regardless of what you spill on it, these cards are totally resistant to it all. Waterproof, rip-proof, and life-proof. Actually, you know what? Make that "death-proof." Regularly $17.19, they're available now for just $13.99.
Here's the next step toward our inevitable future of humans, phones, and cars merging into one entity. This magnetic phone mount uses software that integrates both your phone and your car. Soon they'll integrate the phone to your heart and the car to your abdomen, but until then, enjoy this ultra-convenient accessory. 16 percent off the $47.99 price makes this just $39.99.