The Top 5 Nooners #3: Local TV News Is Hard Work

This week, while Ross is in the mountains of Mexico training for his new role as a Cracked columnist, we're counting down our favorite Nooners from five to one. Coming in at number three is a stone cold classic that need only be introduced with the four oddly pronounced syllables: WIE-ner POO-pie. Wiener Poopie It must be hard to be a local TV reporter. You probably have to go to school for a long time, taking tons of classes on journalism and ethics and diction and all that stuff. Then you have to get an internship, hoping they'll keep you on after the summer's over. Maybe if you're lucky you'll get an entry-level job at some TV station in Grand Rapids, Michigan. You'll work there for a couple of years, barely making ends meet, working late nights editing copy while your spiteful wife sits at home, stirring watered-down Kool-Aid and operating a phone sex line from your living room. This will be your life. Then one day you'll get your big break. Your boss will call you into his office and hand you a script. "You won't be on camera," your boss will tell you, "but it's a great human interest story. We need you to do narration." You'll give him a little self-satisfied nod, thinking to yourself, "No problem. I've got this." But then later on that night when you're at home, staring at yourself in the mirror and practicing your lines, you'll realize that nothing in your career could have prepared you for this. Most of it will be fine, the vast majority of it, really, but there will be those two words that you just can't seem to get right. "WIE-ner poopie," you'll say. "Wiener POO-pie. WIE-ner POO-pie." You'll inflect it differently each time, your voice rising and falling on each syllable in endless permutations. "Wie-NER poo-PIE." Your wife will sigh impatiently in bed. "Come to bed, honey," she'll say. "I'll be there in a minute," you'll say, then you'll turn back to the mirror and furrow your brow. "WIE-ner poopie. Wiener POO-pie. WIE-ner POO-pie." Nobody ever said it was gonna be easy.
To turn on reply notifications, click here

33 Comments

Load Comments

More Blogs

5 Weirdly Specific Movie Tropes That Are Suddenly Everywhere

How did these hyper-specific tropes spread so quickly?

109

5 People Who Abused Their Power For Terrible Music Careers

Most rich kids just want to be pop stars.

78

4 Dark Alternate Theories About Famous Hollywood Deaths

The Hollywood rumor mill has been playing games with celebrity deaths for at least a century.

47

5 Modern Traditions That Are Stupid BS

It's weird how many traditions we've come up with in recent years kinda suck.

327

4 Accolades That Don't Really Mean Anything Anymore

It's easy to work the system and win these awards even if you don't deserve them.

113

The 4 Most Annoying Trends In 'Prestige' TV Shows

After a while all these prestige TV shows start to look the same.

156