But, just as Mario was beginning to remember how to feel joy again, this sick universe delivered its greatest blow ...
Suddenly, Mario found himself exactly where he started, standing in the meadow-looking place with bricks on the floor. His exact reaction to this development has been lost to the sands of time, for it was deemed unfit to be displayed on a Nintendo console.
There was only one thing Mario could do now. It's hard to argue with his decision.
Once again, a brief moment of peace. And once again, Mario came back to life, as he always does -- if you can call that living. He's still trapped somewhere in this Mushroom Kingdom, but by now he has given up trying to return to Brooklyn (if he remembers what that is). Think about that the next time you see Mario running around, chasing turtles while smiling vacantly and screaming inane catchphrases. Think about what has to happen to a man's mind for it to end up so thoroughly broken. Think about that, and ask yourself who the real monster is: the turtle that spits fire, or you?
Wait, HE HAS A CAT COSTUME NOW? Fuck it, I need this game.
Maxwell Yezpitelok is in Chile, and also on Twitter. Check out his FREE online comic!
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