I remember the year Tickle-Me-Elmo's were big. The elves were all pissed off because, after making so many dolls, their fingers were stained red with the dye. That used to be our biggest problem. Red dye. And now I have to worry about some bastard's house and the stability of Little Susie McWhogivesashit's
Did you see that? Totally blindsided me with that recession stuff. I started reading it and I'm all "Oh, cool, this kid's gonna ask for a blue baseball or whatever," and then wham, I get hit with recession issues. I don't even know what caused these problems, but the letters just get worse and worse. What the hell do I do? The kid asks me to reverse the economic recession, but all I know how to do is hand out Xboxes. Will that fix it? Santa doesn't know much about finances, because
Can you f*****g believe that? That kid didn't even sign it. No return address, nothing. That s**t just showed up at my house one day. What am I supposed to do with that? Unless a Tamagotchi is going to clear everything up and make that kid's pain go away, Santa is out of his league. Here's the one, I just got this yesterday.
No, YOU'RE crying.