Next, which is like Knowing except I think they play with time instead of math. Still, you might think I'm making too big a deal out of two vaguely similar photos, but take a closer look. It's not just about Nicolas Cage running that hits me. Look at the picture again. Really drink it up.

See that? It's the clothes, yes, and the hair. The look of intensity. And it's the right leg up. The near identical positions of the arms. The fact that his jacket is blowing in the wind with the exact same intensity in each picture. How does something like that even happen? He's even going to the same destination in two different movies. One more time, with my notes now.

This might not be mind-blowing to you. There's a slight chance that I'm a little bit obsessed with Nicolas Cage. Okay, there's more than a slight chance, because it's clear that I sat around, watching a ton of Nicolas Cage movies searching for patterns, as if I was perversely recreating what I think is the plot from Knowing. So, yes, maybe I'm a tad obsessed with trying to find what makes this wide-eyed maniac tick. I just feel like he did great work in, for example, Adaptaion, and then he took all of his ability and focused on making one movie for, I guess, the rest of his career. Which would be okay, except the movie he keeps making sucks. I'm sick of seeing it: He's in a race against time, he needs to get to the truth, nobody believes him, some explosions happen and he's extremely intense. Also, something will happen at one point that will necessitate his having a flashlight.

I don't know what the moral of this story is. I suppose it could be "Don't see Knowing, because you already did except it was called Snake Eyes, and instead of the end of the world, it was a boxing match, and instead of numbers being the answer, it was Gary Sinise." That sure as hell doesn't sound like a moral. Maybe there is no moral. Regardless, all of the photo research that this article required brought me to my new favorite game that I'd love to share with you. It's called "Nicolas Cage." Unlike my associate, Gladstone's game, this one isn't complicated or Facebook-related (also, it's fun). Here's how you play: Step 1: Get a screengrab from a Nicolas Cage movie. Doesn't matter what movie or how much facial hair Nicolas Cage has. Step 2: Think of a line of dialogue, [Two Sentence Maximum] for Nicolas Cage. This line must, in your opinion (A) sum up the movie and (B) be just retarded enough that it might actually be a real line from a Nicolas Cage film. Step 3: Superimpose that line over the picture. Step 4: That is the entire game. Nicolas Cage: The Game, might not sound fun at first.

But I gotta tell you, I had a blast. First of all, images of Nicolas Cage acting are inherently hilarious. Everyone knows that.

And it's even more fun when you add in the adventure of summing up the movie in a maximum of two sentences. If the movies were any good, this should really be a challenge, but I realized early on that it's nowhere near as difficult as it should be.

See? I've just shown and told you everything you will ever need to know about the movie Face/Off. Bam. I could shorten Nicolas Cage's entire career to a few pictures and, like, 100 words, and that's a pretty liberal estimation.

Congrats, you've just seen The Wicker Man. I could literally do this shit all day. And, if you find some spare time, grab a picture of Nicolas Cage, add some friggin' words, and post a link below If I like it, I'll add it to this page [spoiler alert: I will definitely like it].

Edit:FUCK YES! I'm getting these emails faster than I can put them up. I'm posting (almost) every single one I receive. I don't have a problem dedicated literally all of my day to this project.

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By Alex

By Andy

By Johanas

By Dan

[Hilarious to me because I have no idea what movie this is and Nicolas Cage is clearly covered in vomit or poop or something.--DOB.]

By David

By Steven

By Paul

By Count Baqula

[Works for me because, as Baq pointed out, the line is equally applicable to his film career.--DOB]

By Ish

By Navonod

By Ariel

[Was Nicolas Cage a vampire in something?? That's terrific! --DOB]

By Christian

By Corbin

By Steven O.

Anthony

[What fucking movie is this? His costume looks straight outta local theater, this is absurd.--DOB]

By Chris

By Thomas

[Author requests you read this out loud through clenched teeth.--DOB]

By Pat

By Alejandro

[ Those two above Wicker Man posters came in at almost the exact time from two different people. How fucking awesome is that? When people are told to summarize Wicker Man, they independently come to the conclusion that being dressed as a bear and punching women was the only thing that happened. I think this might be the most important work I've ever done. -- DOB]

By Danjer047

By Bishopwhitet

By Nick

By Kingmonkey

By Heather

By Chromigula

By Dillon

By Swaim!

By Cracked Super Intern Randall!

By Mel

By CRACKED Writer Jeff Kelly!

By Brian

[I think the best thing is that we all clearly have no idea what Captain Corelli's Magical Mystery Mandolin was actually about. --DOB]

By Boonehams

By Raffles

By Eric

By Matt

By Jeff Kelly Again!

[Man, look at the face of the guy who isn't Nicolas Cage. He's totally thinking "You're right, I DO talk like the wind." Look at how appreciated he feels --DOB]

By TC

By Matthew

By John

By Chris

By Shawn

By Jennie

[Things I love about this one: a) Cage is clearly struggling to understand this very simple concept. b) A chick made this one. Hot.--DOB]

By Jeff Kelly Again!

By Cracked Writer Malcolm Christiansen!

By DOB

By Eric M.

By Justin

By Randy

By StillHonest

By Boonehams again

This trilogy by Malcolm Christiansen is incredible.

By Robert Brockway!

By Malcolm again!

By Peter

[Not technically following the rules, but I love this one because the idea that Nicolas Cage has as hard a time as we do figuring out which of his movies is which is hilarious to me.--DOB]

By Stephanie

By Sawyer

By Dan R.

By Quagmar.

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SUPER UPDATE: I've received over 250 pictures of Nicolas Cage in my inbox and I am officially burnt out. We're still playing Nicolas Cage in the Forums, but I won't be posting anymore here. For now. This game is addicting.

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