High in the Himalayas dwells an ancient tribe of Master Coders. Living on a diet of grubs and yak's milk, these eccentric and highly talented wizards of programming have conjured computorial feats once thought impossible, and have hidden their wisdom from the world.
Luckily, brave explorers have tracked down their secret abodes, dedicated themselves to their tutelage, and then bundled all that knowledge into The Complete Learn to Code Bundle, available in the Cracked Store for just $39. (OK fine, it's just a good deal on a coding class. But the planet is rapidly dying, so let's have some fun, yeah?)
Basic Introduction To C++ For Beginners
C++ is one of the most important programming languages out there, and requires hands-on guidance. Luckily, the bare-handed C++ Monks employ a complex Reiki-inspired training technique that we have translated here into 42 lectures and three hours of content that will teach you how to write C++ programs from scratch.
Become A Full Stack Web Developer: Beginner To Advanced
Full Stack developers know both the front and back end of developing, making them some of the most useful (and highly paid) professionals in their field. The monks don't care about material possessions, which is lucky for us, because we didn't have to pay them a premium for the 19.5 hours of content and 167 lectures we made out of their teachings.
Build Responsive Real-World Websites With HTML5 And CSS3
Since the monks don't have internet, we actually had to bring up the idea of using HTML5 and CSS3 to build a website. But right after we did so, they immediately developed centuries-old teachings, which we converted into 11 hours of video content designed to help you make a unique landing page.
C# 7 And .NET Core 2.0 Recipes
The multi-paradigm programming language C# provides support for all kinds of software engineering principles, and we managed to condense all the necessary information into five hours of lectures, much like the monks condense their chi into a single point on their fists and punch coding wisdom into one's soul.
The Complete Google Go Programming Course For Beginners
Google Go (also known as Golang) is the hot new programming language, and you can learn the basics in just five hours with this class. And if you're curious about its viability for the future, just know that the monks we made up utterly endorse it, because they know the developers at Google are the best at solving deficiencies in conventional computer languages.
From 0 To 1: Learn Python Programming, Easy As Pie
Python is a classic language with extensively proven utility, and if you can write clean and efficient Python code, you'll be able to impress anyone -- from a New York City programmer to a highly disciplined mountain code monk. This class gets you there in just 9.5 hours.
Java Programming For Beginners
Everyone starts somewhere, and Java programmers start here. Just eight hours of content will take you from Java nothing to Java novice to Java pro. We cut out the part where the monks make you eat boiled fish heads.
Git Complete: The Definitive, Step By Step Guide
Git is a widely used control system that streamlines programming by tracking the history of edit files, allowing unprecedented control over any system. The knowledge fits into seven hours, and will make you dangerously hireable. Also, believe it or not, the monks had nothing to do with this one.
Again, all of this is available in the Cracked Store for just $39. So what are you waiting for? Go learn to code!
It's a great, big world out there. And Your Future's So Bright You Gotta Learn Code.
Things could always be much, much worse.
You've probably never heard of it.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.