Journalism is a tricky business. You need to be sure that the person you're interviewing feels comfortable around you, comfortable enough to give straight, honest answers. If you ask too many questions or if you give them a look that can be described as particularly "rapey," they can, and they would be right to-- end the interview. If even for one second they feel even the slightest bit ill at ease, it is their right to refuse to answer questions, and the
This might be a problem. "Miss McDowel," I said when she sat down, "thank you for agreeing to meet with me." "It's Mrs. McDowel," she corrected. "It's Miss, actually," I re-corrected, with a wink. She gave me a look that either said "I'm confused and offended" or "I'm just seconds away from ripping my pants off." [It should be noted that this is the look that, in my mind, every woman everywhere constantly wears on her face at all times.] "Anyway," I began, stretching, (but, really, flexing), my arms behind my back, "we should really get started. See if we can't clear up this whole 'Labor Day' business once and for all." "There's really no mystery," she said, mysteriously. "In the late 1800s, some labor unions got together and decided that the hardworking, blue collar types deserved a day off and a parade. So, a day in September was established as a day of rest and celebration for these laborers and... I'm sorry, are you sure you don't want to write any of this down?"
"Don't you worry your pretty little ass, Miss McDowel. I've got it all up here." At 'here' I pointed to my head, so to suggest that I was mentally writing down the words that she was saying. This was, of course, ludicrous, as all of my mental ability was focused on not pointing towards my crotch while we talked. There was an intense battle going on in my head between good and evil over this very subject. Nothing punctuates a sentence like a good ole' crotch point. Indicating your genitals is Nature's period, Evil would say. When has a crotch point ever not resulted in a fairly aggressive lawsuit, Good would wisely point out. Seriously. This is what it's like in my head. All the time. "Alright, Mr. O'Brien, if you're sure that you have all of this, I'll keep going." I nodded, so as to say