What is in this mysterious glow-in-the-dark vial? A secret formula? The souls of your enemies? Or maybe it's the last spark of hope in the Universe that one day, they'll make another good Alien movie. Whatever it is, it's on your keychain, and it will give you hours of light on just 10-15 minutes of light exposure each day. Normally $34.99, you can get yours in the Cracked Store for just $21.99.
This Grade 5 titanium carabiner (for those of you who don't speak mountain climber, that's a spring-loaded metal loop) allows enhanced security against pickpockets, enhanced convenience should you want to hang your keys somewhere, and enhanced silence with its suppression ring. It'll keep your keys from jingling while you sneak into the bank you're robbing, or whatever (we don't know your life).