Jesus is More Photogenic, Anyway

Pop quiz, hot shot: Cite something from the Jyllands-Posten newspaper. If you can, chances are you're either Danish (in which case I'll have cheese) or you cited that time they ran a cartoon depicting what Muhammed (PB&J) looked like. I don't remember all the details, but I think Jesus pulled the football away at the last second. Two years later, and the rascals are at it again. And I mean literally; they’re doing the exact same thing. The paper, along with other Danish papers, are reprinting the cartoons in response to the arrest of three men who plotted to kill the cartoonist. This, they claim, shows their "firm commitment to free speech." Which it does, in the same way I’m showing my commitment to free speech when I reply to my fiancee’s requests to stop swerving the car in time to Jamiroquai’s “Virtual Insanity” by saying “you mean like THIS?” and pulling mightily to the right. Come off it, Jyllands-Posten! I’m not a fan of terrorism or censorship, but there are probably plenty of perfectly nice Muslims out there who are genuinely offended by the cartoons. Do you have to go
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out of your way to show them that yes, indeed, you are allowed to desecrate their religion? And this from a guy who finds the below picture hilarious:
My point is, if you want to seem relevant, there are better ways to go about it than trotting out your greatest hits. Do something fresh and original to offend Muslims, like a deal where you get a free subscription if you renounce Allah. At least that way you seem more like Howard Stern trying to piss everyone off and less like Jim O’Connor from The Glass Menagerie reliving a fourth quarter forward pass. Hell, if Jyllands-Posten is allowed to dust off their oldies, why shouldn’t other no-longer-relevant folks do the same? I look forward to Janet Jackson revealing her other boob, Jamie Lynn getting double pregnant, and Gladstone re-posting that thing where he shows pictures of murdered children and just laughs and laughs. In fact, fuck it. HEY, ANYONE HEAR ABOUT THIS NEW ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT MOVIE? COMMENT PLZ!
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael makes controversial videos depicting Muhammed as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!
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