Japan Wins Again: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Calbee Dog Knows A Thing Or Two About Love If you've been paying attention to the news lately, you may have heard about the economic downturn that's been going on in the United States. It's been getting a lot of play in the media lately, but even though it's a big, important story - what with the bursting housing bubble and the subprime lending and all that other crap I can barely understand - I'm a lot more concerned about how my country is falling behind in another, less widely reported way. I'm worried about the state of our snack chip mascots. The last of the truly great American snack chip mascots was surely
Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Chester Cheetah, whose jazz-inspired, "cool daddio" attitude made him a favorite among children, mental defectives and promotional t-shirt manufacturers alike. But that was a long time ago, and though he may have been a pop culture phenomenon a decade or two ago (starring in not one, but TWO video games), those days are clearly in the past. If that's the best we can offer the global snack chip mascot pantheon as a nation, we might be in bigger trouble than originally thought. Even in his prime, though, all Chester really did was wear sunglasses and feign hipster indifference. He was never really the type to try to cheer up a young, heartbroken schoolboy, and that, I think, is our problem right there: American snack chip mascots are interested in hawking their wares, not solving our problems. Don't they realize that a happy consumer is a spending consumer? I'm no economist, but I'm pretty sure this is why we're falling behind as a nation. We need to take a note from the Japanese playbook here: helpful snack chip mascots lead to a strong economy. That means it's time to lose the shades, Chester, but don't worry; maybe you and the Pringles guy can open a free clinic together or something.
To turn on reply notifications, click here

28 Comments

Load Comments

More Blogs

12 Weird Changes The Government Asked Famous Movies to Make

Sometimes it's just a matter of making the US Department of Defense look, like, REALLY cool.

126

5 Apocalypse Scenarios You Should Stop Worrying About

Actual impending doom like global climate change or mass extinction just makes people bored.

182

11 Everyday Gadgets That Just Wouldn't Die

Nothing lasts forever ... except these things.

95

The 5 Worst Changes The MCU Made To The Source Material

In some cases, the Marvel source material just did better.

163

5 Horror Movie Characters Who Deserve More Credit

These characters are amazing with or without ample amounts of screen time.

52

5 Mobile App Scams That Just Keep Getting Worse

Google's algorithms know us better than we know ourselves.

84