youâre going to use your devil-logic to trick me into actually playing one of these monuments to pagan impulse. I donât want to end up baying naked in a field, manually pleasuring myself while my friend chokes me with a controller cable.
Which is exactly what your son or daughter will do if you let them even
the cover of this game. In fact, if you're under 18, do yourself a favor and DON'T look immediately to the right of this text. Otherwise you risk killing your family and making love to the still-warm corpses.
And that includes the game title; don't read it! If you ask me, even the words themselves are unfit for children. Alaskan Storm? Why not just call the game Deadliest Catch: Bukkake
and be done with it?
This game is all that is wrong with the world. How do I know without playing? Simple; I observe. I watch the news. I see the world around me get worse and worse, school shootings rise and rise, kids having sex younger and younger, my own children calling me things like âout of touchâ and âfear mongering.â
And at the same timeâthe same
timeâI see that video games are also being made and distributed. How long would you ask me to ignore the plain facts?!
Violence. Sex. And video games. All existing simultaneously, by