Nevertheless, it's our civic duty to at least try to keep you abreast (ha!) of what's happening in the world, especially when it comes to something as important as who we decide to let run our country for the next four years.
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It's kind of like how broadcast TV channels are forced to set aside a certain amount of programming for educational purposes, except this is a requirement we're imposing upon ourselves, because we're better, more responsible citizens than most. You're welcome.
We'll be taking a "two birds with one stone" approach to covering the upcoming election in that, by doing so, we'll also introduce a healthy and long overdue sense of competitiveness to the Cracked office that bare-knuckle boxing in the parking lot alone never adequately could.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Cracked 2016 Presidential Election Fantasy League.
It's pretty simple: We'll track every news story, important or otherwise, about every candidate who stills harbors delusions of presidency at the moment and stands at least a theoretical chance of winning. We'll use the details from those stories to judge each candidate using a complex scoring system, which you'll undoubtedly marvel at below.
An array of Cracked-related personalities will each be assigned two candidates, one of their choosing, the other picked at random.
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Spoiler: They're all Jim Webb.