One day in college I met up with a girl I liked to watch a track meet. I was sitting in the stands with her and a few of her friends when the wind blew so hard, it lifted my comb-over off my head, not unlike the opening of a toilet lid. I held my hair on my head and kept talking as if it was perfectly normal for an adult man to use his hand to keep his hair from flying off his head. The conversation, as you would imagine, stopped. I excused myself, and I never saw the girl again. I mean, ever. I think she transferred schools immediately after the track meet.
A wise man once said: A man with toilet-lid hair is often crapped upon.
It was from this humbling experience that I learned a valuable lesson about comb-overs. What's that? Shave my head? No way. I decided I needed hair spray.
I am not exactly certain how Rave Super Hold became my comb-over hairspray of choice. I probably picked it because the bottle was blue, and it had the word "super" in it, which was a masculine adjective a masculine guy like me could identify with, and it had the word "hold," which is what I needed it to do.
Also, Elmer's didn't make big enough bottles.
I took a blue bottle of Rave Super Hold with me everywhere. I tossed one in the bag I took to class. I packed one up when I graduated from Ohio University. I took one to work every day on my first job. I brought one with me when I traveled. I kept an extra bottle in the car, just in case. Prior to baldness, I'd never used hair product. As a bald man, I used it all the time.
Eventually, I just looked ridiculous. After showering, I had 8-inch-long strands of hair extending from the right side of my head down to my shoulder, no hair in the middle of my head, and a regular cut in the back and on the left-hand side. It took five minutes every morning to comb my hair just right so that no scalp could be seen from the front, although plenty was visible from the back. This look has been described as the Al Gore.
Rob Kim/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
If your look brings to mind Al Gore in any way, your look needs to go.