Innocent Disney Movie Or Harbinger Of The Apocalypse? The Daily Nooner (EST)!

When is the world going to end? That depends on who you ask. Scientists say the sun will burn out in a couple billion years, Nostradamus had it down to an exact date (December 20, 2012), and Jehovah's Witnesses have struck out numerous times, predicting all-out apocalypse in 1914, 1918, 1925, 1941, 1975, and 1994. I appreciate all of their efforts, but guess what? They're all wrong. I can't give you an exact date, but I can easily tell you what year the world is going to end. The world is going to end in 2022. Why 2022? It's not Peak Oil, global warming, or terrorism that I'm concerned about. No - 2022 is the year that kids who are 7 years old right now will be turning 21. That means that 2022 will be the year that today's 7-year-olds will be legally allowed to drink alcohol, which means that 2022 will be the year that bars become overrun with people who have fond childhood memories of seeing
Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Will they remember Terminator 2? What about Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure or Back To The Future? What will they say of these movies? "Oh," they'll say, "Aren't those, like, old movies? I don't like old movies." Then they'll ask the bartender for some crazy futuristic drink that I've never heard of, and then they'll turn back to their friends to wax nostalgic about that movie they saw when they were 7 years old with all the rapping CG chihuahuas, and I'll return to Gladstone's birthday party (89 years young!) and stew in the corner, nursing my whiskey and muttering to nobody in particular about how the world has gone to hell in a handbasket. But then God will be like, "What the f**k?!" and smite everyone, because CG chihuahuas?! COME ON. He must have said SOMETHING about that in the Bible, right?
To turn on reply notifications, click here

76 Comments

Load Comments

More Blogs

4 Crazy Ways The Human Body's Changing In Our Own Lifetimes

Our bodies are changing.

128

5 Celebrities With Arguably More Interesting Parents

Many of today's celebrities have some real surprises in their family trees.

81

5 Meltdowns That Went Viral Before The Internet Existed

Everybody loves a good old-fashioned meltdown.

86

5 Iconic Movies Saved By Last-Minute Changes

Some of your favorite movie moments were added months after everyone went home.

109

5 'Romantic Triangle' Characters We Just Feel Sorry For

Fictional love triangles are always a rigged game.

150