, a series of tasteful photographs of loose change, does not enjoy a similar success.
- We're finally independent! Oh... Oh we're not? Oh, okay, the Continental Congress just approves
the Declaration of Independence.
(This can't honestly be what we're celebrating. There's no way, right? Of course not. We're gonna go ahead and keep moving.
- We're finally independent! Oh. Not yet? Okay.
The Constitution is just Signed.
- The Constitution is just Sealed.
- The Constitution is just Delivered.
- "United States of America" is chosen as the country's name, just narrowly beating out "GreatBritainSucksburg" and "Titslyvania."
- The First American College Fraternity is formed.
- Collar-popping, barbed wire tattoos and date-rape invented.
- To celebrate Christmas, George Washington sails across the Delaware River and slaughters a bunch of Hessian mercenaries.
- Cornwallis surrenders at Yorktown. They didn't even want American in the first place. They heard it was full of skanks anyway and said that we can keep it.
- We're finally independent? American Independence is secured.
- US Constitution Ratified.
(That's it then, right? We're official now? Let's say 'yes.' June 21st, 1788. A day that will live in WhoGivesAShitfamy.
-Here Come Da Prez
- George Washington becomes the first white President of the United States.
Oh, son of a bitch, that's everything, isn't it?
So... So, there you have it, I guess. Apparently, every 4th of July, we are asked to remember the Declaration of Independence being approved, even though it wasn't actually signed for another month, even though we'd already unofficially "declared our independence" by murdering the shit out of a bunch of British troops a year earlier, and even though we wouldn't even technically win that war for another 7 years, July 4th is where it's at.
Fireworks, as you probably know, are the Iroquois symbol for arbitrarily selecting a day to represent the formation of an entire country in the hopes that the people celebrating the holiday won't bother doing any research, (it's a fairly complex language).
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