The Nobel Prizes were announced last week
, and instead of downing flutes of Champaign, putting on their âI won the f@#$ing Nobel Prizeâ t-shirts and going clubbing like they should have done, the winners almost unanimously responded by being ungrateful, whiny pissants.
First off, Doris Lessing, who won the Prize in Literature for her work âsubjecting a divided civilization to scrutiny.â And how did she respond when reporters made her aware of that fact? No, not by flashing her ponderous, seventy-year-old boobs and shouting âPowned!â as one would expect, but by bitching that she hadnât gotten it sooner
"Look I have won all the prizes in Europe, every bloody one. I'm delighted to win them all, okay?" she responded testily.
As an afterthought she turned around and mumbled:
"It's a royal flush."
it, you entitled wench? Because unless my research is sorely mistaken, you havenât won the World Beard and Mustache Championship
, held biennially throughout Europe. You know how I know? Because THIS guy won it:
And I bet he didnât shove it back in the committeeâs faces either. I'll bet he had bikini models doing shots out of those little beard-wells within fifteen minutes of winning. So accept the prize graciously and go get a vanity plate.