two rooms in a five-star hotel, for some reason, a diamond-studded top hat, a sandwich gun, which isnât a thing, by the way, you made that up. Uhh ⦠it looks like youâre asking for $900 for âmiscellaneous pimping,â two grand for heroin, and this last item ⦠I mean, it looks like youâve just drawn a picture of yourself on a jet pack, I donât ⦠I donât know what that means.â

I smiled, lost in the brilliance and eloquence of my proposal.
âDan, I gotta be honest ⦠I canât give you any of this.â
âWhy the hell not?â If I hadnât already swiped his wallet, you can bet your ass Iâd have been swipinâ it then. Swipinâ it like a motherfucker.
âWell, gosh, Dan, so many reasons. We donât have this kind of budget, for one thing. A good portion of the items on this list arenât real, and uhh, some of these things, I just wouldnât feel
right signing off on, morally, you understand. I might actually have to fire you, you know that, right?â
âNo, no I
donât know that, Jack Fu. All I know is that this SXSW nerd bullshit is gonna be
huge. All I know is that Iâm sitting on the article of the century over here and all you can do is piss on my face.â
âWell, I donât really think thatâs what Iâm doing, but alright. Iâm not going to sign off on this. Can you please get out of my house now?â
âBiggest mistake of your life, pal,â I said as I headed for his refrigerator. âAll you do is piss. Piss, piss piss. You are a coward.â
âIâm calling the police.â
***
Had
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