"To celebrate, Joe is going to pass out Snickers to everyone. Right, Joe?"
"What? No Snickers? The mini ones, even? I gave you one thing to do today, Joe. One thing."
"Now, we've had our fair share of hardships. We've faced many challenges, but we've kept the American spirit alive. We've kept our children on the crosswalks toward the future. (Talking over applause) But we have also tripped. We have also fallen, and we have suffered recent tragedy. But as we always do, as we always will, we persevere. We will move past this tragedy. No, Christopher Nolan did not receive a Best Director nod for Inception, but at least they probably won't give it to Aronofsky for that Black 'Yawn' piece of garbage."