If Men's Magazines Were Way Manlier

If you look at children's magazines from 60 years ago, there is a stunning lack of safety. For a generation raised on baby-proofing, Nerf, and To Catch a Predator, every feature and advertisement seems like a clumsy scam by medical suppliers to sell more size small body bags.

In the '50s, children had jobs as door-to-door salesmen and they were paid in weapons and bikes. If you tried that today, the first person to answer the door would be arrested for attempted sexual misconduct with a minor and the child would be shot for riding a bike without a helmet.

A generation ago, children knew exactly how many times you had to pump a Daisy gun to break human skin. Their bubble gum gave them instructions on how to crack a bullwhip. They knew how many firecrackers it took to render a mailbox unusable, and their only fire escape plan was a wet towel and a sprint. We need to bring that lack of safety back. The only thing safety does is ruin a good day at the shooting range. It's like we're raising our kids in the hopes that Chinese invaders will mistake them for pillows.

That's why I've taken the lessons from the '50s and written a children's magazine that pulls up the skirt of modern sensitivity and gives it an accidental pregnancy. Young fellows, you're about to become men.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Seanbaby is a treasured Internet icon and the creator of Seanbaby.com. Follow him on Twitter.

For more, see 9 Trends in Advertising We'll Never See Again, If Awesome Lunatics Ran Airlines, and 5 Movies We Hope Any Potential Alien Invaders Have Seen.

To turn on reply notifications, click here

180 Comments

Load Comments

More Blogs

12 Weird Changes The Government Asked Famous Movies to Make

Sometimes it's just a matter of making the US Department of Defense look, like, REALLY cool.

126

5 Apocalypse Scenarios You Should Stop Worrying About

Actual impending doom like global climate change or mass extinction just makes people bored.

182

11 Everyday Gadgets That Just Wouldn't Die

Nothing lasts forever ... except these things.

95

The 5 Worst Changes The MCU Made To The Source Material

In some cases, the Marvel source material just did better.

163

5 Horror Movie Characters Who Deserve More Credit

These characters are amazing with or without ample amounts of screen time.

52

5 Mobile App Scams That Just Keep Getting Worse

Google's algorithms know us better than we know ourselves.

80