Have a good pee?Â Cool.Â While we're at it, it's been a bit since last we tried to accomplish anything.Â Maybe I shouldn't have given up on you so easily.Â Let's give this another try...
dummy = idiot = you = idiot = dummy
That might look like a lot of hard math to you.Â It might look like something else to one of your moron friends.Â Sorry, but you're both wrong.
Stay tuned, because Chapter 29 has dragons in it!
I wish I could have been surprised you thought there was a Chapter 29, let alone that it had dragons in it.Â There isn't and it wouldn't have.
There is no Chapter 34, but that doesn't matter right now because you're not there yet.Â What chapter are you on?Â What chapter is it, buddy?Â Just look at the number next to "chapter."Â To help you along, "numbers" are things that don't look like A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, W, Z, a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, or z.Â "Numbers" also don't look like punctuation.Â "Punctuation" is... okay, look:Â Numbers are any combination of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, or 0.Â Does that help?
Didn't think so.
This is Chapter 31.
I am Chapter 18, Chapters 23 through 27, Chapter 29, Chapter 34, and I am also the last chapter.
Turn the page.
All good things must come to an end, just like when you die in the future and, upon reaching Heaven, God grants you the ability to think like a normal human being and you're all "Oh, wow, there's so much I didn't understand when I was alive.Â If only I were smarter during that time of living, maybe I'd have learned something from that Idiots For Dummies book.Â To take this thought even further, if I were smarter during that time of living, maybe I wouldn't have even bought that Idiots For Dummies book, because I would have gotten the joke upon reading the title.Â Unfortunately, I instead read the whole damned thing and just went 'DER DER DUMMY DUM DOO!' because I was the stupidest moron that ever dumbed."
And so this experiment comes to an end.Â Yes, I have regrets.Â My greatest regret?Â Writing this book.Â My second greatest regret?Â Getting this book published.Â I do, however, have at least one triumph, which is that I spent an entire book talking about idiot dummies like you and I managed to refrain from using the word "imbecile" until the last chapter, because I assume you have no idea what that word means.Â Upon reading that word, you've just done one of two things: Â 1) You looked at the word imbecile and went "DUHHHHH, WHATEVER" and kept reading, or you 2) looked at the word imbecile and went "DUHHHHH WHAT" and stopped reading.Â Then you asked all the kids in your preschool class for dumb f*****g adults how one might find out what a strange word means.Â They couldn't help because they're dumb f*****g adults in preschool, but your slightly smarter teacher handed you a dictionary, and you spent 3 years figuring out how to use it.Â Six years later, you found the word "imbecile" and found out that an imbecile is essentially an "idiot" or "dummy."Â Then you were all like "DUHHHHH WHAT" because you don't know what idiots are.Â Luckily there's a book out there called "Idiots For Dummies," so you bought a second copy of it and began reading.Â You got to the last chapter, stumbled upon the word "imbecile" and you are now either stuck in an eternal loop and you will never read the next paragraph, or you did Option #1 and we can finally put this whole mess to rest with the following paragraph.
I think we've learned a lot about each other.Â Â I've learned that you can't teach dummies a damn thing, nor can you teach idiots a damned thing, nor can you teach morons that the first item in this list is the same thing as the second item in this list and the third item in this list is awfully similar to the first two items in this list.Â That's what I've learned.Â What have you learned?Â You've learned that-
To Be Continued...