you have to drink it. That's really lose-lose. The basic essential rule to any drinking game is that you should at least enjoy the drinking part. With Icing, you're just having a miserable time, but with rules. And as long as you're doing that, you might as well get creative. Which brings us to… Making Your Own Stupid Freaking Game Want to create your own pointless, nation-sweeping game? The ingredients are fairly simple: Impossibly Easy and Accessible Action + Objectively Terrible Punishment + Maddening System of Language - Any Previous Sense of Self Worth Your New Game! Once you commit the formula to memory, it's only a matter of filling in the blanks. I've created a few samples below. HOMIES BRUSHIN' HOMIES Walk around with a toothbrush in your pocket. When you see one of your Homies, shove that toothbrush in his face and tell that fool he got a BRUSH WITH GREATNESS. He then has to brush his teeth with toothpaste and drink a full liter of grapefruit juice. (If no one has ever had grapefruit juice after brushing their teeth, I'll tell you, it is the worst thing.) Check your watch, because it's time to get your Brush on! SHORTIES RICIN' SHORTIES When you see one of your buddies come up, raise your fist like you're about to punch him. If he flinches, it is time for that punk to get RICED! Basically that means he has to eat a Rice Krispie Treat wrapped in a condom. I hope you like your privacy because you about to lose a lot of friends playing this game! BEBUS SPOOKING BEBUS! OK, so this is a game for just you and your BeBus (totes short for "Best Buds"). You wait for your BeBu and, when he least expects it, you jump out and scare him, just totes supes scream in his BeBu face. If your BeBu gasps, or shrieks or totes completes yells or whatevs, then he loses! You done SPOOKED THE BEBU! His punishment? He has to kill one of his pets. But if he doesn't yell, then you have to kill one of your beloved pets. Get ready to feel totes like an elephant because you will never forget this moment. Bring a sweater because, after you watch a kitten die, you'll always feel cold. Forever. Totes Forevs Petocaust! DAWG NUT-BLASTERS Go up to your best dawg and give him a nice "Sup" head nod. If he says anything that rhymes with "nut," (like "what" or "butt"), then you get to punch him in the nuts and say "Nu-nu-nu-nu-NUT BLASTER." That dawg just got his nuts blasted! You don't have to worry about doing the Dawg Nut-Blaster to women because you don't know any. SOMETHING SOMETHING RAT POISON You call your friends "Dongmeister" and make them eat rat poison. This is less of a game for you and more of a way for me to THIN THE HERD OF IDIOTS ON EARTH, but that still shouldn't stop you from trying your very hardest. You can be the best!

---

Daniel O'Brien is a Professor of Shorty-Ricin' at Columbia University.

More Blogs