You should know I didn't resort to a madcap heist right away, as is typical for me. I did legitimately try to grow my own pumpkin. But thanks to our underfunded public schools and some personal failings, I didn't really know how to do this. My first attempt, making two already large pumpkins mate, was completely unsuccessful -- and, I've since learned, biologically impossible. Some expert advice (given by the police officers who arrested me for making pumpkins fuck in a Safeway) suggested that pumpkins grow in the ground.
"Like you did, apparently."
Unfortunately I don't own land for farming, thanks to those personal failings again. I did have access to a freeway median -- anyone with courage does, actually -- but this also ended in failure. No matter what I tried, I couldn't get the pumpkins to lay their eggs there.
I blame the traffic noise.
Anyway, that's why I decided to steal your pumpkin. Sorry. But now that you've accepted that apology, there are a number of other deeds I committed in parallel with the theft that are also worthy of apology.
I'm sorry I cut a hole in your fence to access your farm. Although you are a vegetable farmer, and I suspect at minimal risk of having your vegetables escape, there were still pests to consider. Foxes, rabbits, or teenagers could do an incredible amount of damage to your livelihood, and my cutting a hole in your fence could have indirectly caused that.
I'm sorry for shooing dozens of rabbits in through the hole in the fence. That was a little less indirect. The rabbits were of course intended to be a distraction, though due to their natural timidity, you probably didn't notice them for several hours. So, not much of a distraction. I believe I was thinking of kangaroos. Could you imagine? Could you even imagine?